The Words shared by A Father Which Rescued Me as a Brand-New Parent

"In my view I was merely in survival mode for twelve months."

Ex- reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the demands of becoming a dad.

But the actual experience soon turned out to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health issues during the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was thrust into acting as her main carer while also looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing every night time, each diaper… every walk. The job of mother and father," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a chat with his parent, on a park bench, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward words "You are not in a healthy space. You need assistance. How can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and start recovering.

His experience is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. While the public is now better used to talking about the strain on mothers and about post-natal depression, less is said about the difficulties fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his difficulties are linked to a wider inability to open up among men, who continue to hold onto harmful ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and stays upright with each wave."

"It is not a show of weakness to seek help. I failed to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, says men frequently refuse to admit they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - particularly ahead of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental well-being is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the opportunity to take a respite - taking a couple of days overseas, away from the family home, to see things clearly.

He understood he had to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states alongside the day-to-day duties of taking care of a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she needed" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to better grasp the vocabulary of feelings and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked reliable male guidance. Even with having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, deep-held trauma meant his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says repressing emotions resulted in him make "terrible actions" when younger to modify how he felt, finding solace in alcohol and substances as an escape from the anguish.

"You find your way to substances that don't help," he explains. "They might briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Strategies for Managing as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, confide in a friend, your partner or a therapist what you're going through. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the things that allowed you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. This might be going for a run, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical health - eating well, getting some exercise and if you can, resting, all contribute in how your mind is coping.
• Connect with other new dads - hearing about their experiences, the challenges, along with the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help is not failure - looking after yourself is the optimal method you can care for your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the passing, having been out of touch with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead offer the stability and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - managing the frustrations constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men since they faced their pain, altered how they talk, and learned to manage themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… processing things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I said, sometimes I feel like my purpose is to guide and direct you what to do, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding an equal amount as you are on this path."